Omm Namo Bhagavate

My life is an open book

but it has a cover page.

Blessed Yogis,

I know that some of you are determined to reach the goal during this lifetime.  And I also know that some of you are more determined than I am that you should reach the goal.  There are also some who are as determined as I was during the time when I was consciously doing yoga sadhana.  Since I am going to share with you all my life’s experience, I want to first assure you of one thing, that I will speak the truth and only truth, and only those things that I have truly experienced.  I am going to open up everything and share all.  If you have any questions after reading this journal of my sadhana life, you can ask me and I promise to answer truthfully.  I believe sharing is true guiding.

My life is an open book, but please remember it has a cover page too.

This is how I begin.

What was my goal when I consciously began my journey?

I cannot be sure when I began my journey.  Maybe it started from my last life because many things I attempted, I easily achieved.  In yoga you cannot have easy victory unless you have really put in a lot of practice before.   This is the reason I feel my journey began long ago, before I knew it.

However, when I consciously began my journey, I fixed a goal before myself: to win over the six enemies in the yoga path.  These six enemies are kama, desire; krodha, anger; lobha, greed; moha, attachment; mada, egoism or I-ness; and maschharya, gossip and negative discussion about others.

To be very frank, in those initial years I did not care about God, nor did I care for any realization.  To me the world was beautiful, family was joyful and life was challenging.  I wanted to see this beautiful world, experience the joys of family surroundings, and be successful in everything I sought to do.  Thus, life for me was just like that.  Common.  I did not see myself as uncommon but I was feeling something different from other children of my age.

When did I start my Journey?

I would say my conscious sadhana began around my 8^th standard in school, when I was 14 years old.  Perhaps it began in the summer vacation of my 7^th standard.  My exams were over and I was waiting for my results and thinking a lot about high school.

How did it begin?

A sadhu had come to our village and was staying in our other house at the end of the village.  This house was built by my father just for visiting saints and sadhus.  I noticed that the sadhu was receiving royal treatment from all the villagers, especially my mother.  I felt she was paying much more importance to this old man with his long beard and ochre robe than she paid to me or to my father.  She insisted that all food must first be offered to this sadhu.  Then only we were allowed to eat it.  She also made it compulsory for me to go and serve the sadhu, clean his house, wash his clothes, and even massage his feet, which were definitely dirty and ugly.  I thought, “What is this old man having that everybody gives him so much importance?”

One day I asked the sadhu, “Do you know algebra?”

He looked at me and had a big laugh.  “I have no need for it,” he said, while handing over his dirty clothes to wash.  As I was washing them, I thought, “Let me find out what he knows.”  I brought the clothes and asked, “Do you know English?”

He again laughed and said, “I have no compulsion to know that.”

I asked, “Do you have money?  How much do you earn every month?”

This question made him laugh and laugh and laugh.  I felt as if he was not going to stop.  Suddenly he became serious and said, “All money of all people belongs to me.  I have no need to earn it or keep it.  I have everything.”

This answer made me angry and I asked, “Then why do you beg for food?  Why do you not have enough clothes?  Why do you sleep on the floor?  You poor man.  You do not know algebra or English.  You have no money but you receive the attention of all?  What is it you have that I do not have and my parents do not have?  Why should you be served food first, even before my father?  You old lazy man, I am not going to serve you.”

After vomiting these words, I felt very uncomfortable, almost crying.  I did not know why, but I felt as if I had made a big mistake.  But the sadhu was not only calm, he was smiling.

He came towards me, lifted me in his arms and said in a most loving voice, “Dear child of God!  Your words have not in any way hurt me.  I do not need your services.  I also do not need to eat first.  From today, I will ensure that you are eating before me.”

Instantly I realized that the sadhu had something extra that I did not.  What it was, I could not determine.

I was afraid that my mother would shout at me.  I thought, if the sadhu reports to her, then she will not only rebuke me, she will immediately stop eating food for several days to neutralize my sinful act.  It is not my mother’s anger, but her penance that was frightening for me.  On several occasions I had seen my mother stop eating in order to neutralize any bad karmas of her children.

As a child I was disciplined not by fear of punishment but by the fear of being the cause of my mother’s fasting.  Naturally at that stage of life, eating delicious food was the most attractive reward for me and being denied that was the worst punishment.  From this I can safely conclude that I was an ordinary child, like many of my age group.

One day, long after the sadhu had gone from our village, when my mother was in a good mood, I asked, “What is the specialty of that sadhu to whom you gave so much importance?  In what way is he superior to you, Mother, and also in what way is he more knowledgeable than me?  He does not know algebra and cannot speak even one English word.  Why should he receive so much importance?”

I told her how the sadhu did not have a single penny with him but was boasting that he is the owner of all wealth.

My mother looked at me in disbelief.  She could not imagine that I had asked these questions to the sadhu.  She told me in a serious tone, “First, go and eat tulsi leaves.  Your mouth is spoiled from criticizing the sadhu.  First cleanse it.”  She was demanding and I had to obey lest she would declare a two-day fast.

Immediately I ran to the back yard and brought several tulsi leaves and ate them in front of my mother to make sure that my bad karma was neutralized.  Then she became relaxed, although not comfortable, and said, “The sadhu has six great siddhis which none of us have.  That is why he is receiving everything without asking for anything.  To have attained those siddhis, he must have done severe tapas, austerity.  He has divine powers and he talks with God directly every day.”

With a sense of disbelief, I asked, “Then why is he not asking God for food, and to teach him algebra and English?”

My mother laughed at my foolish question, but because she was in a good mood, she did not shout at me.  She simply said, “Sadhus have no need to ask anything of God.  God ensures everything for them.  They also have no need to study algebra or speak English.  Those who cannot talk to God need to earn money, study algebra and speak English.”

My mother looked at me and said with a commanding voice, “Don’t you see?  Even if you demand, you do not get everything, and the sadhu gets everything even if he never asks.”

I asked my mother in a penetrating voice, “What is it that this sadhu has attained?  Please tell me and I will attain that.”

My mother was stunned.   She said, “He has conquered kama, krodha, lobha, moha, mada and maschharya.  Can you conquer these six enemies?”

I told her, “Definitely in this life I will do it.  I swear in your name, my loving mother, I will conquer these six enemies before you leave your body.”

She simply looked at me in disbelief.  She was moved.  Tears started flowing from her eyes.  She put her hand on my head, took me to her lap and said, “I believe you can.”

To be continued….